Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Pink or blue?

One of the things that seems surprising to the majority of people who ask me is that we did not find out the gender of BLT. I definitely have thought a lot more this time around about whether we maybe should have found out when we could through the ultrasound, but generally feel that I can be patient and that with so much in life is known, this is a surprise worth keeping.

Their question and my answer that we didn't find out generally leads to a further question, either what would I like to have or what do I think it is going to be. Since it's something I've had to talk about quite a lot recently, I thought I might as well do a post on it in case you're interested.

So...for one thing, the gender is already determined, and therefore in a way the hypothesizing is kind of pointless. Upon the baby's arrival, we will find out. But, in theory here is what I think:

- Like many second-time parents (who don't think they'll be having any more children), I'm assuming, there is definitely an element of hoping for the sex to be different to what we have already. And what we have already in Blake is a sturdy, solid, energetic, no doubt about it - boy. I would be lying if I said that there isn't some part of me that hopes that BLT is a girl. I know how - or I think I know how - boys work, and it would be nice to see what role gender does play in shaping personality. At the moment I am convinced that surely girls cannot be as difficult and unruly as Blake is being (I'm sure I'm wrong, but I just like to think this). There is also the element of comparison and how it would really nice for the second child to perhaps not always be compared to his/her sibling, which I guess might happen more if they are of the same gender. With the thought that so often the second child's milestones seem to be diluted when compared to his/her older siblings', being able to say, "Well, that was the first time I saw my daughter smile", or go to school, or whatever, makes each milestone unique to each child. And as a mother now myself, I think it would be lovely to have a daughter with whom, maybe some years down the road, I can share in so many of the things that make it great to be a woman - like being a bride, and becoming a mother. So, yes, I would love a daughter.

- The good news is that I don't think I will be upset if BLT is a boy, which really I am preparing for and have told myself all along that I should expect. My pregnancies have been very similar in terms of lack of sickness and the way I've felt (a male colleague of mine said that his wife who is pregnant with their second has felt really ill, and he thinks they're going to have a girl "because girls make you sick!"). The way I'm carrying this baby seems much the same as with Blake, and the lady who comes around our office selling sandwiches looked at me today and say it's a boy based on my protruding bump as opposed to full-on spread. Regardless, the advantages of a boy are there: as I said, I think I know what to expect with boys. Of course, BLT and Blake are different children, so it's not like there are any guarantees that they will be even similar in terms of looks, personalities, traits, etc. As we sorted through about 17,000 articles of Blake's clothes last week, I saw a clear advantage to having a boy in terms of having a lot of clothing and things we can use again. They would also perhaps be more inclined to play together better and be able to do and share similar things as they grow up (not that this couldn't happen as well if it's a girl), and above all, I think I'm a good mother of boys - given my love of sports and my loathing of fashion. Part of me fears what would happen if it came to me to help dress a little girl BLT throughout the years, or advise her through those turbulent teenage girl years.

And so, we wait and see, which means I'm likely still to get questions in the run-up about what I'm thinking re: gender. But the main beauty of it all is that whether we end up with a Baby Boy Lyons or a Baby Girl Lyons, he or she will still be wonderful. And that, really, is all that matters.

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