About this time last year, my good ship Self-Awareness lost its way. I know this because it was 12 months ago that I signed up for a year-long subscription to my local gym. At the time, the plans were clear in my head; yes, I would be returning to work soon enough, but they had an offer on that I felt I couldn't refuse. When would I go? Well, that was easy: I would be working from home on Mondays, so I would go for a quick swim during my lunch hour; I would arrange with Matt to let me go one evening a week, and I would also go once on the weekend. I might also try to get in a swim with Blake on Thursday, my day off, so I kept his child membership going as well.
In reality, what happened was this: I haven't taken an hour-long lunch break in as long as I can remember, and if I do take any breaks while I am working from home it is to go hang up the load of laundry that I put on every Monday just before 9:00 a.m.; after returning exhausted from a day's work, picking up Blake and trudging home from nursery, the last thing I have wanted to do was venture out to go exercise; and on the weekends the same holds true. No Afternoon Plans=NAP! Finally, today I managed to take myself up to the gym to break it off.
I had to laugh at the form I had to fill out to end this farcical relationship - it asked for my reasons for cancellation, and fortunately I didn't have to pick just one: Lost Motivation, No Time, Pregnancy, Moving House/Job. Several questions later I was asked why I had joined in the first place, so I chose: Fitness and Well-being and Improve Appearance. Did you achieve these goals? Surely their computer will be able to see how often I've been, so there was no reason to reply with anything but an emphatic NO!
I know I'm hardly a SuperMom, but what I am definitely not is a Supermodel Mom. Leaving the gym, I felt a real sense of accomplishment, like I had just completed an exercise class, but this lesson was one about letting reality have a say. With life so busy, there are just more important things for me to worry about than looking slim and beautiful for my husband; hopefully he thinks that anyway, the beautiful part at least (I'll never be as fit as I was on my wedding day, but probably nor will he). I also decided that after a few minutes of calculations at how much money I'd wasted throughout the year, there was no reason to torture myself - at least it was over now.
I contemplated taking the bus, but decided that the least I could do was walk the 10 minutes home...especially because it was downhill! And when Matt went out to the shop later in the evening and asked if I wanted anything, I thought for a moment and then ordered some ice cream. After all, I'd been to the gym today...